Alex, South Park Style

Name: Alexander Ovechkin
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Grade: Completed education in Russia, but in order to adapt to life in America, is currently repeating grades 11 and 12 as an ESL student. Currently: 11.
School: Hobbsborough High School
Homeroom: Mrs. Laney's Homeroom
Hobbies and Interests: Athletic Club, Comedy Club, NHL Hockey Player

Appearance: Alexander Ovechkin is an exuberant young man who brims with enthusiasm for life. Standing 6'2 and weighing a lean 205 lbs, Alexander has an ideal athlete's body, having a cut physique that his consistent working out and keeping in shape has allowed him. His eyes are that of a storyteller's, and when he does tell stories, his eyes communicate the enthusiasm and the emotion that he is attempting to convey, even if his words often fail him. He has a shaggy mop of brown hair that he keeps relatively long, which is almost falling in his eyes quite a bit of the time. He has a few acne scars on his face from a serious bout of acne when he was a teenager, and while he is twenty-one years of age, he still has a youthful vigor about him and the appearance of one who is actually a little younger than he is. Most people would put him at about 17 or 18.

Biography: As far as his personality goes, Alex is a very optimistic, upbeat individual. He often has a mischevious gleam in his eyes, and he is quite evidently one who enjoys the smaller things in life, even though for the past few years, things have been magnified on a wholesale level. His enthusiasm is infectuous, and he will often break out laughing, a laugh that spreads as quickly as wildfire. Most who know Alex know that he is a kindhearted person, and he often stops out to help those who are not as fortunate as he himself is. At times, Alex can be a bit of a showboat, and in things that he excels at (hockey, mainly) he can tend to show off a little, sometimes striking people the wrong way.

Alex is the type of person to hold his feelings within, and because of the fact that he is the type of person to experience the highest of highs, he is sometimes plagued with extremely low points. Often he attempts to stay away from people if he is having a low day, and has been known to snap out in anger if provoked. Alex constantly thinks about his older brother, who passed away in a traffic accident many years ago. His brother was the one who inspired him to play hockey, and he misses him greatly. Alex actually misses his whole family quite a bit, as none of them live in the United States with him.

Alex is a flashy dresser, and while being new around school, is known, if not for his hockey abilities, but for his bright yellow shoes. Some of his clothes are loud, and they match his exuberant personality. Most of the time, though, he dresses to try and blend in, especially in school, as the constant attention can be distracting.

Alex was drafted by the Washington Capitals first overall in the 2004 NHL Entry Draft. He proceeded to play one season with Washington before he was (shockingly) traded to the New Jersey Devils, alongside veteran Jamie Heward in exchange for Martin Brodeur, centre Scott Gomez, defenceman Ken Klee, three first round draft picks, and one million dollars cash. The move shocked Alex, who figured he'd play a few years in Washington before exploring other options. Trying his best to adapt, he moved to New Jersey and enrolled in a public high school to try and help his English skills. He is constantly being hounded by the media in New Jersey, and while he is always quite accommodating, he sometimes wishes that it would all go away.

Alex is a very friendly sort, and is always making time for everyone else, sometimes putting himself after others. Alex just recently moved to the school, so he hardly knows anyone and socializes primarily within his classes. At lunchtimes, he eats his lunch in silence and often sits in the shade outside with a novel that he is trying to get through - Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code'. Of what he understands (which is very little), he is quite enjoying it. Alex speaks fluent Russian, and his English is at a very basic level. He is coming along and can barely hold a conversation, but his eagerness to learn means that he won't have that problem for that much longer. Alex does not enjoy hearing about the national problems, for they remind him of the year of service he was forced to do while he lived in Russia - which he did not enjoy.

Advantages: Plenty. Alex is in prime physical shape, and since he is more developed than the majority of the other students, he's got more of an understanding on how to take care of and pace himself. He's a friendly guy and will take time for even the most insignificant of people. He's very hard to dislike. His mandatory military service has allowed him to be familiar with firearms.

Disadvantages: Alex speaks barely conversational English. While being intelligent, he still hasn't grasped a large chunk of the English language and often finds himself lost in discussions. Sometimes, the meaning he is attempting to convey gets lost in translation or gets misinterperted. Alex hates guns, stemming from his military service. That was a period in his life he would prefer to forget, and as such, he dislikes guns. He can be very headstrong and stubborn at times.

Number: Male Student No. 88


Designated Weapon: Luger Carbine 7.65
Conclusions: B88 might be hard to dislike, but he's akin to several of our foreign contestants from V1 in that his English is, how you say, not so good. That's a very bad thing when you're trying to dissuade somebody from busting a cap in your ass. Not to mention, Alex is a lot older than the competition, seeing as the average age is about 16. People might gun him down simply for that fact, and for the fact that he's an intimidating figure.

Evaluations Edit


Killed by: Mariavel Varella

Collected Weapons:



Mid-game Evaluation:

End-game Evaluation:

Memorable Quotes:

Other/Trivia Edit

  • Alex is one of two SOTF contestants to have been an insert of a real-life celebrity. The other was Sidney Crosby.

Threads Edit

The various threads that contained Alex. In order from first to finish.


Version II:

Your Thoughts Edit

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