Name: Joey McHaimond
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Southridge
Hobbies and Interests: Joey is a popular name in the amateur surfing leagues, and has become a celebrity because of it. Right now, his only interest is in surfing.

Appearance: Joey looks like the perfect example of an average surfer. Curly blond hair running down to the bottom of his ears, a goatee starting to grow in. His eyes are a deep green "lemon" color, a contrast from the sea which he is usually seen near. His whole body together isn't too built up, and would usually be called very scrawny. Standing at about 5'11" and 136lbs, he is the perfect shape for surfing. Having never really taken up any other sports, his muscles are almost nonexistant, his limbs resembling string beans.During the day of the trip, Joey was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and red shorts. He had a pair of sandals on, but has a pair of sneakers in his backpack. He also had a pair of dark sunglasses with him, which seem to clash with his dark tan.

Biography: Surfing was just something that Joey inherited, seeing as how he seemed instantly interested in it since the tender age of five. Both of his parents were not only childhood friends, but surfers as well. They never really took surfing as seriously as their son eventually would. It also appeared that they didn't take parenting as seriously neither, since the decision to get hitched had been sudden. They were happy together, but the their laidback attitude affected Joey.

They helped Joey along for the first few years of his life, but after that they let him decide for himself. As a result, all of Joey's teenage problems were tackled by him and him alone. His parents never stepped in when his grades her horrid, and Joey figured his grades were perfectly alright on their own. After that, he didn't take his schoolwork seriously. Maybe this was because his IQ was lower than most people, but the crux of the matter was that Joey was too lazy to work to his full potential.

He was seen as a part of the popular crowd befire, and his fame has somehow increased his popularity quite a bit, much more so than most of the 'famed' students at the school. Lord forbid, he appeared as full of himself as the rest of the preppies.

Surfing was, is and forever shall be Joey's one true passion. He showed advanced skills in the sport when he was eleven, only able to impress people around Highland Beach. He has come a long way since then, and he is now well-known in the Californian surfing groups. Now known as a celebrity, although not popular enough to be considered higher on the pedistal but just enough to make him believe that to be true. Being a C-List (at best) celebrity has gone to his head, and now he's enough of a self-centered prick for him to allienate most of his old friends away. Despite having fewer friends now, Joey appears very proud of his life...

Deep down inside however, Joey is a coward. Too scared to face his own problems. Cowardly enough to hide behind his popularity as a safe and effective cop-out to avoid said problems. Most of all, he's scared of the future and how it doesn't look good for him. Surfing aside.

Advantages: Logically speaking, Joey is very fast and full of stamina, despite the fact having no strength in his limbs. He has also been through most of his life experiences alone and maybe able to get through the game on his own rather than depending on others.
Disadvantages: Joey has become very self-centered, and has alienated most of his friends away. Joey appears very confident, but deep down he is a coward and may run away when things are looking very badly.

Designated Number: Male Student no. 54

The above biography is as written by Ciel. No edits or alterations to the author's original work have been made.


Designated Weapon: Tessen (Iron Fan)
Conclusions: A surfer dude, eh? This kid should, like, totally just go throw himself off a cliff or something, because he has no chance at all of winning the game.

Game EvaluationsEdit

Kills: None

Killed by: Cara Scholte

Collected Weapons: Tessen (issued weapon)

Allies: None

Enemies: Kyrie Joseph, Sean O'Cann, presumably Alexis Machina, Cara Scholte, Maxie Dasai

Mid-Game Evaluation: Joey's game began on Day 4 in the barracks, where, after accidentally hitting himself in the head with his tessen, he accidentally revealed his presence to Kyrie Joseph, Julie Mikan and Sean O'Cann. Extremely nervous around Kyrie and Sean, who knew him from school as a "prick", he casually mentioned Sean's boyfriend, who had recently died, which provoked Sean into attacking him. He was spared any lasting damage, however, when the announcements were made and the area was declared a Danger Zone, which scattered the group before Sean could continue assaulting him. He arrived at the caves where he sheltered himself from the oncoming rainstorm, quickly realizing that Kyrie had arrived in the same place. He attempted to strike up a conversation again, but when Kyrie's friend Lex Machina arrived on the scene, he decided it better to simply escape.

Joey next arrived at the swinging bridge, at around the same time as Cara Scholte. Cara immediately attempted to convince Joey to leave, attempting to get him to help her search for her friend Tegan Bianco, but Joey called her out, telling her that Tegan committed suicide on the very first day of SOTF, and attempting to convince her to trust him. His attempts were someone ruined by the fact that his voice was steadily becoming more and more menacing. Cara bolted, hiding in the trees, just as Maxie Dasai entered the area as well, and called Joey out for harassing Cara. Frustrated and not thinking straight, Joey turned on Maxie, attacking her with his tessen. She managed to trip him, knocking the weapon out of his hands, which only angered him further, and Joey began to throttle Maxie. Watching from nearby, Cara hesitated for a bit, but finally shot Joey in the back with her assigned Mauser. Wounded but not yet dead, Joey once again turned to attack Cara this time, who shot him again, this time in the head. Joey died bitching, screaming and crying the whole time.

Post-Game Evaluation: BAHAHAHAHAH! Oh man, normally I'd complain about someone that did so little and died early, but the way this guy died like a little bitch was COMPLETELY worth it! Oh, the hilarity...

Memorable Quotes: "Y-Y-Y-Yasee?! These two know me! They know I could never hurt a fly. Joey Mc-McNiceguy! I'm like a f-f-friggin tigger, bouncing 'round, havin' fun!" --Joey tries unconvincingly to make himself out to not be a prick.

"You. Lying. BITCH. You're trying tah get rid of me! Tegan killed herself, she ain't around anymore! You're trying to get away from me! I told yah that I'm okay, that I'm calm! There's nothing to be afraid of!" --Joey once again fails at being nice.

"Huh? You don't fucking believe me? HUH? Well fuck you bitch! Fuck you up the ass, and that snot-nosed whore who just ran from me! No one would touch her with a five-foot pole, that's how ugly she is!" --But seriously, you can totally trust me, Cara.


Coming soon...


Below is a list of threads that contain Joey, in chronological order.


Your ThoughtsEdit

Whether you were a fellow handler in SOTF or just an avid reader of the site, we'd like to know what you thought about Joey McHaimond. What did you like, or dislike, about the character? Let us know here!

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