Name: Michał "Mike" Maszer ('sz' is pronounced like English 'sh' so read it 'Masher')
School: Bayview Secondary School
Hobbies and Interests: The main ones are Capoeira, Metal Music, Soccer, Anime/Manga, Video Games and Role Playing Games. Since Mike is a man of many interests, he's no stranger to Air Soft Gun, shooting at the shooting range (though rarely, because he doesn't have the cash for it most of the time), and games like Magic the Gathering, Warhammer 40k etc.
Appearance: Mike is not very tall for a guy his age, standing at 5'8" and weighing 156lbs. Due to his Capoeira and Soccer training, he's pretty fit and slender, but he doesn't have an impressive build or strong muscles etc. He has shoulder-long, light brown/dark blond, slightly-curled hair, almost always tied up in a ponytail. He has light blue (almost grey) eyes, a 'normal' nose (not too long/short, no special features like being crooked etc.) and small lips. Though he does what he can to cover it, sometimes you can some small pimples on his face. Besides that, he has no scruff, facial hair, glasses, or anything else like that blemishing his face. In terms of clothing, Mike prefers thick 'skate' blouses, or blouses with a logo of his favorite bands, when it's cold, and long sleeve shirts with t-shirts combo, or short sleeved shirt when it's warm. Seeing Mike in anything other than dark blue/black jeans is almost impossible.
Biography: Mike was born in Warsaw in 1990 to a communism-free Poland, as a second child of two history teachers. Though he wasn't pampered a single bit, he didn't have a bad childhood, and he grew up as an intelligent, but sometimes really lazy guy. From a young age, he was a very big fan of soccer, so when he was seven he started to play in a local youth club as a Goalkeeper. He trained there for 5 years before he got himself into a huge argument with his coach, and decided to quit. From this point on, his family and social lives became two completely different stories.
At home, Mike had to take more responsibility, especially when his 8 years older sister decided to move out (due to age difference, Mike didn't have much contact with his sister, but when she moved out, and Mike was old enough, their relationship became more 'pal-like' than normal 'brother-sister' relationships). His father came down with Multiple Sclerosis sickness, and slowly began to turn into vegetable. Mike had to take care of him (changing the diapers, cooking for him etc.), while his mother was working. Of course, as a young kid, he sometimes failed in his duties (sometimes accidentally, and sometimes because of youthful idiocy), which of course, always ended with arguments with his mother about his lack of responsibility, laziness, caring only about his friends and computer, etc.
During the next 5 years, the situation in the house was always tense, with a few exceptions (for example, some success in school). His mother still saw Mike as a lazy kid, who didn't care about her, his father, and school (which wasn't true), and Mike thought of her as an out-dated old woman, who complained about everything for no reason. Finally, his mother announced that no matter what grades he got, Mike would have to move from her house after he finished high school.
Mike's social life was almost a complete opposite from his family life. At first, Mike started hanging out with the dumb jocks, and would have probably ended up just like them if luck wasn't on his side. His old primary school closed down, and when he changed school, he met new, more intelligent friends. It was these friends who introduced him to metal music, role-playing games anime and manga. Also due to them, he developed the personality that he presents to this day - the laid-back, friendly guy, with an abstract sense of humor, who sometimes talks too much, or says very inappropriate things.
Mike graduated to the local High School with very good marks. He quickly got used to the new environment, and soon found himself quite a big circle of friends (some of them also came from the old school). Some of them were WWII and weaponry maniacs, and they convinced Mike to join their Air Soft Gun Group. Sometimes if they had enough money, they would go to a shooting range which Mike's uncle worked at, so they managed to enter despite being under the legal age. He also started Capoeira at that time (but only to improve himself physically as Mike hates violence, and he never kicked anyone 'for real'). Mike considered his friends his second family, maybe even his first. He used to spend every single second of his free time with them, until the beginning of the 2nd year (Polish equivalent of 11th grade).
It was at this time when his group got bigger with the addition of a few new people, including a girl named Pauline whom Mike fell in love with immediately. Unfortunately for him, she began dating one of his best friends Paul only a week later. At first, Mike just stayed silent, and hoped that his feelings would go away. It didn't happen. Finally after 3 months of inner struggles and suffering, he was alone with her one day, and he snapped, confessing his feelings for her. The outcome was obvious. She couldn't do anything other than reject Mike, but she was glad he told her about his feelings and the conversation ended in the typical "best friends" promise. However, the problem soon got more complicated a few days later, when Paul discovered the truth. Ultimately, an argument occurred between him and Mike, leaving the atmosphere in the group just as uneasy as it was back home.
Two weeks later, during a family meeting, his uncle announced that he had just been appointed to a new job in the USA. When Mike talked with him about coming along, he agreed to take Mike with him if he was sure about it, and if his mother gave her approval. After much consideration, Mike decided to go to with his uncle, finish his education there, and then go back to Poland to see if the situation with Paul and Pauline cooled down.
His mother also approved of his idea. Mike packed all of his things and flew with his uncle to St. Paul, Minnesota. There, he found a local Capoeira group, and continued his training. After training for 3 years, he learned a great deal, but he's still on a mediocre level with his skills. He also began attending Bayview Secondary School. Hearing about the stereotype that in American schools you must have some social status in the school to be respected in any way, Mike joined the Soccer Team as a goalkeeper. It was hard for him to adjust in the new school, especially with the language barrier. Although, Mike understands English speech very well, he still has a problem with understanding people who talk too fast, and people with unusual accents. Despite all his problems, he managed to find some friends there, and right now, he's leading a typical teenager's life.
Advantages: Because of Capoeira and Goalkeeping training, he's fast and agile, as well as knowing how to shoot with a pistol. He doesn't have much problems with gaining friends either.
Disadvantages: Mike hates violence, so he'll avoid fight at all costs. He's not very strong either, and he'll still have some minor problems in communication with other English people, which in tense situation may be very dangerous.
Designated Number: Male student no. 68
Designated Weapon: Cyanide Pill
Conclusion: B068 has a very, very special advantage: he can end the agony whenever he likes. Of course, it would be far more interesting if he actually managed to put that cyanide to constructive use, but he's unfortunately another student who could be absolutely wonderful but has morals that get in the way. Maybe someone will pick the pill off his corpse and mistake it for antibiotics. Now that would be entertainment.
The above biography is as written by Yossarian. No edits or alterations to the author's original work have been made.
Killed By: Joe Rios
Collected Weapons: Cyanide Pill (designated)
Enemies: Quincy Jones
Below is a list of threads that contain Mike, in chronological order.
- Come & See
- Searching For Clues
- The Moment of Truth
- Aching Chest and Blurry Sight
- Endings & Beginnings
Your Thoughts Edit
Whether you were a fellow handler in SOTF or just an avid reader of the site, we'd like to know what you thought about Mike Maszer. What did you like, or dislike, about the character? Let us know here!
- Mike was my second favorite of Yoss' characters, coming in just behind Rob. Mike's writing was generally good, and he had some interesting plans, even if they were similar to a lot of what was being tried during V4. He was part of a group of really good character at the start of the game, and he actually gave himself a purpose as the game continued, saving him from the trap of drifting between threads not doing anything. He definitely had a bit of trouble typical of flagships characters and self-inserts, in that he never really seemed to do much grappling with tough moral issues, even when that could've been useful or interesting. Still, a good read marred mostly by (what else?) inactivity. - MurderWeasel